4th Day

I am on my 4th day of logging. I keep getting back on the wagon, but I am still annoyed that TTOTM is interfering so much with my weight loss... it seems to completely de-rail me each time.

There was an interesting article in the Daily Mail yesterday. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2134162/Research-shows-trying-lose-weight-alters-brain-hormones-youre-doomed-pile-again.html
To be honest, the research was interesting and slightly depressing (to me, as someone who is doing what the research findings are is telling us is bad); however what was more distressing were the comments in reply to this article. People are SO narrow minded. They think that every overweight/obese person is sitting there stuffing their face and not moving a muscle. Just because there are some people in the world who can eat 3 meals a day, a bit of chocolate and the odd takeaway and not be/get fat, doesn't mean that this is the same for everyone... I can eat that and get fat! I hate the way some people tar everyone with the same brush - sure there are people who do overeat and don't exercise, but there are also a lot of us who struggle due to health problems and who yo-yo etc.

Urgh!

Dealing with disappointment

One of the things I am learning to deal with is disappointment.

I feel disappointed in myself this week because:

I feel as if I should have been able to 'control' myself better.
I feel as if I have wasted about 1 week when I could have been losing weight. (Not sure if I have or not as it's my not weighing week).
I feel as if there is not much point trying when I may end up putting it all back on.

A lot of these feelings come back to my need to totally control the eating/diet/logging situation or else completely fall off the wagon and give up. I find it frustrating that I am a total all or nothing person. I either am committed to the program, or I am not. There's not 'partial' with me. I find the whole idea of this all or nothing to be totally disturbing because I cannot see how it will work when it comes to the idea of maintenance. Does it mean that I have to be forever on a diet and forever logging?

I would be lying if I said I have not thought about the fact that I may not lose more weight and I may not reach my goal. Weeks like the one that has just passed lead me to that kind of thinking. 17.25 pounds in and I can feel that the novelty of logging, calorie counting and being in the weight loss/diet zone have completely worn off. Now it is a chore. This completely flies in the face of the fact I have lost the weight and my clothes are falling off me etc. Shouldn't that be a motivator in itself? Why isn't that enough to keep me from straying?

These feelings and situation are totally compounded by TOTTM - it's a difficult time for me. I have dreadful, really excrutiating periods with what seems like some kind of endometriosis/interstitial cystitis going on. My hormones are all over the place and the PMS runs pretty rampant. Being able to control myself in the face of this has proved too much. I just ended up giving in and eating what I wanted.

The part that really irks me is the fact that I have been dilly-dallying around this 165ish weight for a while... I feel that by now I should have moved on and be well away from it, but I know that if I am not careful, all this extra eating and not exercising is going to see me back at 165 and pretty much ready to throw the towel in.

So yes, I am disappointed and I am frightened. I don't want to be this weight... I feel really uncomfortable.

Struggling & TTOTM

This week has been a TOTAL nightmare...

It's TTOTM and I kinda went crazy and have not been within my calorie allowance for the past 4 days. It's not a complete disaster - I have been having between 1,500-1,700ish calories and apart from one day, which was my day off, I have forced myself to log so that I can get an accurate picture of how much I am consuming. I do feel proud of myself in a warped kind of way... for actually logging even though I know I was not within my allowance at all. The sad thing is that most of the extra calories have gone on cravings - chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, cakes, dates, a granola bar... not all bad, but still not ideal.

Today I have been pretty much bed ridden for the whole day... in severe pain. So no exercise to even out the extra consumption. I am hoping that once TTOTM is out of the way, I can go back to my 1,400 allowance and stay within it.

Lost another pound!

1 more pound gone...


So far I have lost: 17.25 pounds. I have lost 3/4 of an inch off my neck! Not what I envisaged when I started logging again. I struggle very badly with right-sided swelling; particularly in my right thigh and knee. I believe this is due to Autoimmue Thyroid Disease, but I don't really know.

So here's my measurements *I started CCing on 9th Jan, but forgot to take my measurements, so I only have the starting ones that I knew of for my dress size*

	Starting	First measurement	March	April
	Measurements	3/02/2012	10/03/2012	14/04/2012
Weight	180.75	176	168	163.5
Neck		12.75	12.75	12
Bust	41	40.5	39.5	38.5
Underbust		32.75	31	30.5
Waist	36	32.5	32	30.5
Tummy	46	45	43.75	42.5
Hips	46	45.25	44	43
Thigh R		27.5	26.5	26
Thigh L		26.75	26.13	25
Knee R		19.25	19	19
Knee L		19	19	18.25
Calf R	16	15.75	15.5	15.5
Calf L	16	15.75	15.5	15.5
Arm R		13	12.75	12.5
Arm L		13	12.75	12.25

Oh dear...

Yesterday turned into a 'day off' as it was (I had forgotten!) my parents' wedding anniversary and we went out for a Chinese meal. Today nearly turned into another day of not logging, but this evening I decided to bite the bullet and face the facts and log what I ate. I ate 1,574, although I did burn quite a bit doing 45 minutes of vacuuming and running around after my lovebird (I let him out to have a fly and was training him). It can be hard to face the reality of what you are stuffing in your face LOL. I was hoping it would be less than that! However, I do have myself to blame as I could have turned down the cake and the fruit crumble. To redeem myself - in the eyes of anyone reading this - I did make a super low-cal soup and ate that for lunch (before I ate the fruit crumble with ice cream!). The soup was: ginger, garlic, vegan bouillon, 150g sweet potato, 150 g butternut squash, 100 g carrots, 1 tsp curry powder, 1/2 tbsp sunflower oil.

As a result of this situation, I am now going to challenge myself to at least 6 days of straight 'within calorie allowance' logging - starting tomorrow. I also hope it stops raining so I can get my dog walked... and count that as exercise.

Weigh-in - Met my first mini-goal!

Taken from: http://evanlaar2012.wordpress.com/2012/01/31/the-law-of-celebration/

It is with much amazement that I stepped on the scales to see not only had I lost, but I had also gone past my previous weight before the weight gain. My mindset had been that I felt I had either maintained at 166.5 or that I would have only gone down to my weight 3 weeks ago 165.75. Getting on the scales today, I saw: 164.5. I actually went and checked on another pair of scales because I doubted that it could be right. Apparently it is correct.

Now, I am not sure if part of the reason for this loss is that a few days ago I started taking Green Coffee Extract - http://www.naturesbest.co.uk/verdesse-p348/. I am not normally an advocate of such things, but I was given the opportunity to try them as a family member bought them. In a small study, some obese/overweight young people were given them and lost weight without changing diet. As I have changed diet - calorie counting - I thought this might help me a little to get over my plateau/hump, which from previous experience does seem to occur around 167-165. 

The result of all this is that I have met my first mini-goal - http://weighforward.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/weight-goals-rewards.html. I shall be booking up a scalp, shoulder, back massage to 'reward' myself (I have a gift card for it). 

Going Around In Circles

I ate 1,525 calories yesterday and 1,423 today. Yesterday was disappointing. I ate way more than I realised. It's embarrassing to say, but I didn't actually realise how much I had eaten till I logged my final meal on Calorie Count. Today was less of a mess, but I still ate more than I should. While some might say: "it's only 23 extra calories", it's still more than I should have and that means I have had 3 days in a row now where I have eaten more than my allowance.

I truly hope this is just a symptom of the holiday time!

I am still struggling with my swollen thigh. I am intending - thanks to a friend's suggestion - to do a juice fast starting tomorrow evening after dinner and running into Tuesday. I am not sure how long it will last. Maybe only 20 hours, maybe 24 or more. I find a juice fast helpful at times to reset the acidity level in my body and just clear out old 'gunk'.

Day Off

I did end up having a day off in the end... I logged for 8 days and had the 9th day off because it was a holiday yesterday and I forgot that we would be having a special meal.

I am back on the wagon today and logging. Still struggling with the exercise though. I will be weighing on Monday instead of Sunday, and I don't feel like I have lost anything. I think I am either battling my thyroid or have hit a plateau. I know that logic dictates I increase my exercise. However, logic goes out of the window when you don't feel well!

General Update

Weighing -

As I mentioned, I have been weighing myself each morning this week. So far, no major change - pretty static. Annoyingly my upper right leg is again very swollen (something I struggle with chronically) - just above my knee is 2 inches bigger than it should be and further up is about 1 inch bigger. I am going to stop weighing myself now... so that when I weigh on Sunday, I hopefully have lost some weight!

Physical Activity -

This is a bit better. I did a 25 minute 3 mph walk yesterday with my dog. Then today, I vacuumed for at least 30 minutes. I find housework can be a good way to burn some calories.

Talking about vacuuming, I saw this funny picture the other day:

Hehe!

Feeling Better

Diet-wise I find myself feeling better. I have just completed day 5 of consecutive logging. I feel back in control and on track. It's amazing what a difference it makes to my mental state to feel as if I am at least doing everything I can food-wise to help me get slimmer and healthier.

I am still struggling exercise-wise. I was doing so well, but lately I have felt rough and not up to it. I was hoping that today I would go for a walk, but things got in the way so I couldn't go earlier in the day and by the time I could go, I had lost the energy and impetus.

Seeing as I am now doing better with my calorie counting and logging, I am going to concentrate on motivating myself to exercise.

Gained

Weighed myself this morning and the scale says I have gained 0.75 of a pound. Hmmmmm. Part of me hopes that it's water weight. Part of me thinks: this is what you get when you don't consistently log for 2 weeks.


So, in the spirit of my last post... I have definitely learned my lesson!


Anyway, in good news, today marks the 4th day of 'Back on the Wagon' with the logging and eating 100% right. I want to think that I will get there in the end even if I do hit some bumps in the road, but that can be a hard thought to believe. After this 2 week experiement, I am also even more majorly concerned about the maintenance stage (will talk about that another time) than I was before.

I do feel I need to switch my exercise up again and find some motivation there. I feel incredibly exhausted at the moment and I have been waking up every day with a headache. I have allergies that start about March and run through till maybe October or November. It's a battle to get them under control and right now they are barely under any semblance of control. Of course this impacts my exercise regime because there are some things that one really does not feel like doing when one has sinusitis

Here's my plan for the week - instead of challenges:

Log every day
No free day
Chart my weight daily to see what's going on!
As much exercise as I can manage

We'll see how that goes.