Current Thoughts

I have been calorie counting for just over 5 weeks now. Time flies when you are having fun... not! In some ways I feel as if I have been doing this much longer. Progress seems slow, even though it's actually not slow, it's average. I guess it seems as if I have to put A LOT more thought and energy into this endeavour than I seem to get out if it.

It is extremely easy for me to put on one pound... yet to lose one is really hard work. Yet, somehow I find it hard to feel that fact when I am eating normally (and by normally I mean not calorie counting). I find that confusing. Why can't the brain take in the fact that every time I go through weight loss, I have to work so, so hard to lose the weight and translate that into warning me to eat carefully and cautiously to avoid any re-gain?

Then there is a sinking feeling when I think about this being my 'forever-life'. I keep coming back to the idea that I will always have to log my calories online and watch what I eat. I can't face the thought of having to go through another serious weight loss attempt (e.g. losing 50, 40, 30 or 20 pounds). I also can't really face the thought of having to live like an anal calorie counter for the rest of my life around a bunch of people who don't have to calorie count! Yes, I resent that fact. So...

Image from: http://fyranyanseravrosa.blogspot.com/2009_11_01_archive.html

This whole 'situation' got me thinking about the following...

Negative Associations With Losing Weight & Calorie Counting

1. Weighing and measuring food
2. Having to prepare nearly all food myself to ensure that I know exactly what goes into each meal, which is exhausting
3. Needing to write everything down - all nutritional information - so I can log it later into the calorie counter
4. Having to come online EVERY DAY to use the calorie counter
5. Not being able to socialise easily because I can't eat social foods (will blog more about social foods another day)
6. Getting mad/frustrated when food does not have nutritional information on it and then I can't find the information online
7. Feeling very controlled and controlling about food
8. Blabbering on about how many calories is in things to other people (I know this drives my family mad)
9. Watching other people eat things I want to eat and knowing I can't have them
10. Knowing that to stay the weight I feel most comfortable, I have to watch every mouthful, yet other people who are 'near and dear' to me don't have to do this - seems unfair and builds resentment
11. Feeling a connection between worth and weight
12. The scales - having to weigh myself and be tied to certain numbers

There are probably more... those are the things I can think of right now that really bother me. I shall most likely update this list at some point.

On my next blog post, I will focus on the positives of losing weight & calorie counting.