Meditating, Challenges & Taking a break...

My last post kinda blew up in my face, so I have edited it to remove the difficult part. I do not want any drama right now because I am trying so hard to focus on getting healthy and strong (and that's taking all my energy). And I have to be honest, I was not totally comfortable with what I posted anyway... I generally am a really private person and airing my innermost thoughts in public always seems to come back to bite me on the rear. As one person who met me IRL who knew me through the Internet said: You have a public face and a private face. You are a totally different person in private. I guess it's true. I can organise events for strangers and make YouTube videos. I can speak in public in front of masses of people and it doesn't phase me, but being judged does and I find that being completely open in front of people tends to elicit comments/judgement/opinion over my life choices that I am not comfortable with. Okay I tend to be quite an open book, but am I really being totally me... of course not! It's a bit like being at work and being professional; you probably don't take your work face and 'tude home with ya. Correspondingly, I may appear extremely open online, but I have my boundaries and there is an element of me that is not shown through my 'public face' that very few people get to see... as I allow few people truly into my private domain.

Anyway, moving on to something more interesting...

I took yesterday as my day off and I can say it was a relief to not have to calorie count or to log. Not logging means I can take a day off from the computer also and that is always a welcome break. I made some brownies for a friend coming over and they were really nice. I totally enjoyed eating the brownie; pure enjoyment and I didn't want more than my portion - no desire for seconds, which was good as normally I would want to eat another if I have made something like that.

Today I was alone for most of the day so I took some time to get on with chores and some activities I wanted to do. It was good to do that and have the place to myself. I took my dog for a walk this afternoon and we both really enjoyed that. It was nice to get out and get some fresh air.

I am incredibly tired at the moment. I feel emotionally and mentally tired, not just physically. I have some challenging times coming up; the next two weeks are very busy. In fact, the week beginning the 12th looks to be pretty jam packed and I have at least two lunches out (one after the other!). It will be interesting to see how my calorie counting fits in with this!

I managed two TJ workouts this week - probably partly why I feel so yuck. I actually did some of TurboSculpt, and boy is that workout amazing. I am looking forward to being able to do more of that, as it's a fun way of sculpting and strengthening with weights (although this time around I didn't use weights). Here's my update on the week's challenges:

1. Weigh-in no more than twice this week (to check fluid issues due to TTOTM) - I haven't weighed, so will be weighing tomorrow as usual. Completed this goal. 
2. Exercise at least 3 x 20 minutes - I did 2 TJ workouts and walked Millie (all 20 mins or longer). Completed this goal.
3. Blog at least 4 entries - Completed this goal.
4. Write 5 goals for the next 5 months (should write 1 goal for each month - things you want to change, or to do etc) - Completed this goal.
5. Eat a portion of fruit or veg at EVERY meal on 5 out of 7 days - Okay, so here's my downfall.. I have managed 4 days out of 7. Not bad... but still... must do better! I am not sure I have felt any benefit. I did juice once and I totally felt a difference from that, so I am thinking to aim for 2 meals with fruit/veg and 1 dose (ha! it is a bit like medicine) of juice a day.

So when I was writing my 5 months of goals, I was going to write meditation as one of them... but I decided not to. Anyway, I feel as if I need to get back into meditating; I took a break for a while. I just need to take time out for myself. I do a lot of stuff for other people and there are times when I need to recognise that I don't need to be permanently hooked up to the Internet like some kind of drip feed... Taking a time out, relaxing, meditating, reading, walking the dog... they are probably more beneficial pursuits for me at this point.