Weigh-in

I have lost 1.25 pounds.

Pleased? Yes :-)

Continuing? Yes

It has not been too hard. Now that I have the app, I can log easier and keep better track throughout the day. I am going to try to keep this up as long as possible. Even if I have a not-so-great day, I am going to attempt to not let it put me off track.

Logging

I am back... to the blog and to logging.

Previously, I had given up or taken a break - whichever fits... both, I guess. I was focusing for a while on my health issues. Focusing on them did help me, but like dieting, it becomes tiring and tedious after a while.

The reason I am back to logging my calories is two-fold. Firstly, I now have a nexus 7 tablet, which gives me the ability to lo easier with an app and secondly, I have managed to maintain my measurements since I blogged the penultimate time. Actual weight, I am not sure. Anyway...

I needed to get new jeans and I managed to comfortably fit into a pair from Marks and Spencers that were a size or two smaller than I would have fitted at the beginning of the year. This being the case, I do not want to get any bigger. I would be pleased to be between 5-10 pounds smaller. Obviously even smaller would be better for me with my mobility struggles and my issues with my legs, but even 5 would be great too.

As I was having some success with losing by logging, I decided to revisit it and see what happens. I have just finished day 2 of eating up to 1340 calories and logging via My Fitness Pal app.

Aiming to weigh once a week for now - Thursdays.

Moving on to something new...

I am moving on...

I am about the same size in terms of measurements as when I last posted. Last week I started overhauling my eating. I am now eating a gradually increasing proportion of raw food (vegetables and fruits). I have always eaten some raw, but now I am aiming for about an average of 50 per cent raw per day. I haven't quite got there... some days I am probably doing that and others not so much.... I will have to start keeping note and tallying up to get a better idea of it. In the long-term, I would be happy with eating 60% raw.

Part of this decision comes from this: I am really conscious that in order to deal with my weight, I need to deal with my WHOLE body - holistically... I have been doing a lot of research into how I can facilitate this and I realised that I need to find a way to improve my overall health. I am leaning towards the Hippocrates 3 week eating plan/Ann Wigmore's diet. The Hippocrates Institute in Florida (and many other similar and cheaper clinics/retreat centres) have amazing results in helping people with diseases (especially cancer). I don't have the money to go to a clinic or the Institute. If I am to have any chance at achieving any results, I need to do it by myself. So I am making strides in that direction.

In other news, I have been somewhat more active, but I am so stiffled and frustrated by the fact that I am so stiff and swollen, in a lot of pain, and have little stamina to do anything whether it be physically or cognitively (even going out of the house is a major event for me).

One thing this journey so far has taught me is that whereas I thought it was all about my weight, it's actually very little about my weight and very much about my whole. That is to say that regardless of whether I weigh what I weigh now or slightly more or slightly less, if I am still this unwell, I am still going to be unhappy. Health is pretty much everything in this world and for so many years I have not had the blessing of healthiness... I am going to try to get it back or as much as I can.

Wish me luck!

Getting Active

Yesterday was an active day. Yay! I took my dog on a walk - and gave myself a blister in the process... not so yay - and...

I got out into the garden and did about 1.5 hours of gardening, which mainly consisted of pulling up and hacking off (trees) my nemsis: ivy. The day before I did a little 'taster session' where I cut a box bush into a ball... but the ivy really started to annoy me, so that was somewhat motivating to continue yesterday. Apparently this strenuous activity burnt between 400-500-ish calories. I'll take that! Anyway, there is plenty more ivy where that came from, but unfortunately, the weather has taken a turn for the worse and is TIPPING it down...

Boohoo!

The challenge for me this week = to log Monday to Friday. I have a 'housewarming' lunch to attend on Saturday and Sunday is Father's Day, which means homemade treats. I am under no illusions over the futility of trying to log those days; it's bad enough trying to log 'normal' days. Anyway, I have made a good start.

This blog is real...

So I could lie and pretend all was well in the weight loss department.

The truth - Nope...

This is HARD. When I started my next phase, I forgot that this weekend (just gone) was a holiday that went on for 4 days. Holiday = holiday food. The result is more like this:

I am enjoying being honest. I have a diet buddy who I share my successes and failures with. I have found it cathartic to be honest with her when I am going wrong... e.g. yesterday when I ate 2 ice creams and today when I ate a cream cake. I have had so much guilt and shame over eating things I shouldn't in the past, that I have found being open about it when I am eating so-called bad foods (they are not bad, they are foods that are treats and should not constitute the largest part of your diet if you want to get all your nutrients) to be novel and take away some of those shameful feelings that I am bad, wrong, failing...

I went out today and bought a lot of fruit and vegetables. I am going to make some fresh juice tomorrow and on Thursday I hope to make a nice soup and have more juice... flush my system with some vitamins and minerals and get back on the wagon.

If anyone ever reads this blog, especially if the person reading is a person who has struggled with their weight, I want them to see reality... that this is hard, that it's not an automatic thing - e.g. you start 'dieting' and lose weight and this continues till you hit your target weight... some people do manage that and some people don't. If I wrote how amazing I was doing and there were no slip-ups or hard patches, I don't think I would really be dealing with my 'food issues'.

Anyway, I am still of the mindset that if I could get back to exercising it would definitely help offset where I am slipping up with my food. I have decided I am also going to focus on this. Anything is better than nothing right?

Back to the land of logging...

So I am back!

I have decided to give this another shot. I don't know my current weight, but I do know my measurements. They are roughly the same as on the 3rd of May. That being said, I am guessing that I have probably put on between 1-5 pounds during my time off. I have no idea of the actual amount. My clothes are still loose; smallest jeans are still too big... so it can't be that bad.

I will weigh next Monday.

I already logged my breakfast. I shall be aiming for 1,200 to 1,400 again. I am hoping if I can keep this up for a couple of months at least, I can lose between 7-10 pounds. I would be pleased with that.

I do find the whole process frustrating. I realised a bit about myself during the time off:

1. I enjoyed not being fixated on food
2. I enjoyed eating a mixture of things - including fattening things I would normally not be able to eat on a 'diet'
3. I tend to eat without thinking - this is still a big issue for me
4. I tend to eat companionably - i.e. so-and-so is having one, so I will have one too... regardless of if I am hungry/need it or not

Regarding #3 & #4, I am starting to wonder if I will ever crack those. I don't know why they are so difficult for me to break free from. I am almost starting to accept the idea that maybe I won't ever conquer those as I had thought I might. In that respect, I do think that I shall have to keep an eye on my size forever.

Relationship With Food - Feeling The Best I Have In Ages!

The decision to give up on this hyper-focus has probably been one of my better decisions of late. I am in the best place I have been regarding food for an extremely long time.

1. I am enjoying food
2. I am eating what I feel I want
3. I am not feeling bogged down by restrictions 
4. I am not going crazy & eating with abandon

Today I actually logged because I wanted to and I was hovering around the 1,600 mark. My BMR (how many calories I would burn if I just lay in bed all day not moving) is around 1,515-1,555 depending on which calculator is used, so seeing as I am actually moving around, I think this is okay. My maintenance is probably around 1,700-1,800. If I up the exercise, I can get away with more calories for maintenance (and weight loss too) so would probably be maintaining around the 1,900 to 2,100 mark.

Talking about exercise, this is going to be my focus for a bit. I think I shall keep an eye on my calories and try to aim for around 1,600 on my higher days, but I am not going to sweat it and get all tangled up in labels and numbers. I really want to concentrate more of my efforts on getting this body moving. I remember earlier in the year I was really enjoying doing yoga and some TurboJam and ballet workouts and fun stuff like that. I lost my way a bit due to not feeling well and also concentrating so hard on the food aspect of this journey. I really need to figure out more of a balance if I can. So focusing on the exercise part is a good start. I did a walk yesterday with the dog. I did keep my walks up as much as possible, which wasn't all that much at times due to the weather, but I do feel I made an effort, which is more than I can say for other things.

My exercise plan is to get kick-started with something different. I don't fancy doing TurboJam for some reason (mainly all the jumping around) so I think it's time to dig out Leslie Sansone and start Walk Away The Pounds again. Most of Leslie's workouts that I have looked at are PERFECT for people who have joint and muscle problems or who are very overweight/unfit/deconditioned as they are not focused on leaping around so much. They usually have good modifications. In terms of movement they are more of a power-walk than a run. Yet, in the past I have found them incredibly useful for burning calories and increasing my stamina. I do have one that is a bit more intense because it is intervals of strength training mixed with cardio, but the rest seem okay. So I shall start with the 3 mile one and see how I get on.

Given Up - Focusing on my relationship with food

I have been physically quite 'extra' unwell the past few weeks and I am mentally struggling. I have a lot of things I am processing in my mind about my life that have nothing to do with my weight. I need to change so many things and make decisions about situations in my life and I find that all takes guts and time and energy. I am very tired and pretty fed up with the situation as it stands and I don't really know what to do, where I am going or how to get there. As a result, I feel quite depressed.

I am still conscious of my food intake and what I am eating, so I am keeping somewhat of an eye on it. I reckon I am eating about 1,500-1,600 a day on my 'looser' days and 1,250-1,450 on my more controlled days. I have logged on and off over the past month. I haven't lost more weight since I last posted weight loss. Exercise is still challenging due to the not feeling well and I have only managed walks here and there. If anything, I would love to change this aspect - if the weather was nicer and the sun was shining, I could imagine myself getting outside... but it's been flooding here and so grey (am sure this does not help my mindset).

At the moment, I am aiming to either stay the same weight or perhaps lose if I can get a deficit. I am logging on the days when I feel like it and not bothering on the days when I don't. I am not going to waste time and energy on worrying about logging when I could be using that energy to do something else. I am hoping that being kind to myself and being less obsessive about the whole 'diet' and 'exercise' regime will actually allow me to revisit a more structured regime  in a few weeks or a month or two. I don't know when, but I want to get back there.

AIMS -

So my biggest aim is to not gain.
To be able to be comfortable with what I eat and not to be so hung up on everything.
I don't want the emotional state to result in comfort eating or eating without thinking.
I want to deal better with my situation from a food perspective... perhaps to focus on repairing my relationship with food, so it is not the enemy and neither is it the friend - it just is... fuel, that I enjoy, but that I eat because I need it, not because my life is a mess and/or I feel down.

4th Day

I am on my 4th day of logging. I keep getting back on the wagon, but I am still annoyed that TTOTM is interfering so much with my weight loss... it seems to completely de-rail me each time.

There was an interesting article in the Daily Mail yesterday. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2134162/Research-shows-trying-lose-weight-alters-brain-hormones-youre-doomed-pile-again.html
To be honest, the research was interesting and slightly depressing (to me, as someone who is doing what the research findings are is telling us is bad); however what was more distressing were the comments in reply to this article. People are SO narrow minded. They think that every overweight/obese person is sitting there stuffing their face and not moving a muscle. Just because there are some people in the world who can eat 3 meals a day, a bit of chocolate and the odd takeaway and not be/get fat, doesn't mean that this is the same for everyone... I can eat that and get fat! I hate the way some people tar everyone with the same brush - sure there are people who do overeat and don't exercise, but there are also a lot of us who struggle due to health problems and who yo-yo etc.

Urgh!

Dealing with disappointment

One of the things I am learning to deal with is disappointment.

I feel disappointed in myself this week because:

I feel as if I should have been able to 'control' myself better.
I feel as if I have wasted about 1 week when I could have been losing weight. (Not sure if I have or not as it's my not weighing week).
I feel as if there is not much point trying when I may end up putting it all back on.

A lot of these feelings come back to my need to totally control the eating/diet/logging situation or else completely fall off the wagon and give up. I find it frustrating that I am a total all or nothing person. I either am committed to the program, or I am not. There's not 'partial' with me. I find the whole idea of this all or nothing to be totally disturbing because I cannot see how it will work when it comes to the idea of maintenance. Does it mean that I have to be forever on a diet and forever logging?

I would be lying if I said I have not thought about the fact that I may not lose more weight and I may not reach my goal. Weeks like the one that has just passed lead me to that kind of thinking. 17.25 pounds in and I can feel that the novelty of logging, calorie counting and being in the weight loss/diet zone have completely worn off. Now it is a chore. This completely flies in the face of the fact I have lost the weight and my clothes are falling off me etc. Shouldn't that be a motivator in itself? Why isn't that enough to keep me from straying?

These feelings and situation are totally compounded by TOTTM - it's a difficult time for me. I have dreadful, really excrutiating periods with what seems like some kind of endometriosis/interstitial cystitis going on. My hormones are all over the place and the PMS runs pretty rampant. Being able to control myself in the face of this has proved too much. I just ended up giving in and eating what I wanted.

The part that really irks me is the fact that I have been dilly-dallying around this 165ish weight for a while... I feel that by now I should have moved on and be well away from it, but I know that if I am not careful, all this extra eating and not exercising is going to see me back at 165 and pretty much ready to throw the towel in.

So yes, I am disappointed and I am frightened. I don't want to be this weight... I feel really uncomfortable.

Struggling & TTOTM

This week has been a TOTAL nightmare...

It's TTOTM and I kinda went crazy and have not been within my calorie allowance for the past 4 days. It's not a complete disaster - I have been having between 1,500-1,700ish calories and apart from one day, which was my day off, I have forced myself to log so that I can get an accurate picture of how much I am consuming. I do feel proud of myself in a warped kind of way... for actually logging even though I know I was not within my allowance at all. The sad thing is that most of the extra calories have gone on cravings - chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, cakes, dates, a granola bar... not all bad, but still not ideal.

Today I have been pretty much bed ridden for the whole day... in severe pain. So no exercise to even out the extra consumption. I am hoping that once TTOTM is out of the way, I can go back to my 1,400 allowance and stay within it.

Lost another pound!

1 more pound gone...


So far I have lost: 17.25 pounds. I have lost 3/4 of an inch off my neck! Not what I envisaged when I started logging again. I struggle very badly with right-sided swelling; particularly in my right thigh and knee. I believe this is due to Autoimmue Thyroid Disease, but I don't really know.

So here's my measurements *I started CCing on 9th Jan, but forgot to take my measurements, so I only have the starting ones that I knew of for my dress size*

	Starting	First measurement	March	April
	Measurements	3/02/2012	10/03/2012	14/04/2012
Weight	180.75	176	168	163.5
Neck		12.75	12.75	12
Bust	41	40.5	39.5	38.5
Underbust		32.75	31	30.5
Waist	36	32.5	32	30.5
Tummy	46	45	43.75	42.5
Hips	46	45.25	44	43
Thigh R		27.5	26.5	26
Thigh L		26.75	26.13	25
Knee R		19.25	19	19
Knee L		19	19	18.25
Calf R	16	15.75	15.5	15.5
Calf L	16	15.75	15.5	15.5
Arm R		13	12.75	12.5
Arm L		13	12.75	12.25

Oh dear...

Yesterday turned into a 'day off' as it was (I had forgotten!) my parents' wedding anniversary and we went out for a Chinese meal. Today nearly turned into another day of not logging, but this evening I decided to bite the bullet and face the facts and log what I ate. I ate 1,574, although I did burn quite a bit doing 45 minutes of vacuuming and running around after my lovebird (I let him out to have a fly and was training him). It can be hard to face the reality of what you are stuffing in your face LOL. I was hoping it would be less than that! However, I do have myself to blame as I could have turned down the cake and the fruit crumble. To redeem myself - in the eyes of anyone reading this - I did make a super low-cal soup and ate that for lunch (before I ate the fruit crumble with ice cream!). The soup was: ginger, garlic, vegan bouillon, 150g sweet potato, 150 g butternut squash, 100 g carrots, 1 tsp curry powder, 1/2 tbsp sunflower oil.

As a result of this situation, I am now going to challenge myself to at least 6 days of straight 'within calorie allowance' logging - starting tomorrow. I also hope it stops raining so I can get my dog walked... and count that as exercise.

Weigh-in - Met my first mini-goal!

Taken from: http://evanlaar2012.wordpress.com/2012/01/31/the-law-of-celebration/

It is with much amazement that I stepped on the scales to see not only had I lost, but I had also gone past my previous weight before the weight gain. My mindset had been that I felt I had either maintained at 166.5 or that I would have only gone down to my weight 3 weeks ago 165.75. Getting on the scales today, I saw: 164.5. I actually went and checked on another pair of scales because I doubted that it could be right. Apparently it is correct.

Now, I am not sure if part of the reason for this loss is that a few days ago I started taking Green Coffee Extract - http://www.naturesbest.co.uk/verdesse-p348/. I am not normally an advocate of such things, but I was given the opportunity to try them as a family member bought them. In a small study, some obese/overweight young people were given them and lost weight without changing diet. As I have changed diet - calorie counting - I thought this might help me a little to get over my plateau/hump, which from previous experience does seem to occur around 167-165. 

The result of all this is that I have met my first mini-goal - http://weighforward.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/weight-goals-rewards.html. I shall be booking up a scalp, shoulder, back massage to 'reward' myself (I have a gift card for it). 

Going Around In Circles

I ate 1,525 calories yesterday and 1,423 today. Yesterday was disappointing. I ate way more than I realised. It's embarrassing to say, but I didn't actually realise how much I had eaten till I logged my final meal on Calorie Count. Today was less of a mess, but I still ate more than I should. While some might say: "it's only 23 extra calories", it's still more than I should have and that means I have had 3 days in a row now where I have eaten more than my allowance.

I truly hope this is just a symptom of the holiday time!

I am still struggling with my swollen thigh. I am intending - thanks to a friend's suggestion - to do a juice fast starting tomorrow evening after dinner and running into Tuesday. I am not sure how long it will last. Maybe only 20 hours, maybe 24 or more. I find a juice fast helpful at times to reset the acidity level in my body and just clear out old 'gunk'.

Day Off

I did end up having a day off in the end... I logged for 8 days and had the 9th day off because it was a holiday yesterday and I forgot that we would be having a special meal.

I am back on the wagon today and logging. Still struggling with the exercise though. I will be weighing on Monday instead of Sunday, and I don't feel like I have lost anything. I think I am either battling my thyroid or have hit a plateau. I know that logic dictates I increase my exercise. However, logic goes out of the window when you don't feel well!

General Update

Weighing -

As I mentioned, I have been weighing myself each morning this week. So far, no major change - pretty static. Annoyingly my upper right leg is again very swollen (something I struggle with chronically) - just above my knee is 2 inches bigger than it should be and further up is about 1 inch bigger. I am going to stop weighing myself now... so that when I weigh on Sunday, I hopefully have lost some weight!

Physical Activity -

This is a bit better. I did a 25 minute 3 mph walk yesterday with my dog. Then today, I vacuumed for at least 30 minutes. I find housework can be a good way to burn some calories.

Talking about vacuuming, I saw this funny picture the other day:

Hehe!

Feeling Better

Diet-wise I find myself feeling better. I have just completed day 5 of consecutive logging. I feel back in control and on track. It's amazing what a difference it makes to my mental state to feel as if I am at least doing everything I can food-wise to help me get slimmer and healthier.

I am still struggling exercise-wise. I was doing so well, but lately I have felt rough and not up to it. I was hoping that today I would go for a walk, but things got in the way so I couldn't go earlier in the day and by the time I could go, I had lost the energy and impetus.

Seeing as I am now doing better with my calorie counting and logging, I am going to concentrate on motivating myself to exercise.

Gained

Weighed myself this morning and the scale says I have gained 0.75 of a pound. Hmmmmm. Part of me hopes that it's water weight. Part of me thinks: this is what you get when you don't consistently log for 2 weeks.


So, in the spirit of my last post... I have definitely learned my lesson!


Anyway, in good news, today marks the 4th day of 'Back on the Wagon' with the logging and eating 100% right. I want to think that I will get there in the end even if I do hit some bumps in the road, but that can be a hard thought to believe. After this 2 week experiement, I am also even more majorly concerned about the maintenance stage (will talk about that another time) than I was before.

I do feel I need to switch my exercise up again and find some motivation there. I feel incredibly exhausted at the moment and I have been waking up every day with a headache. I have allergies that start about March and run through till maybe October or November. It's a battle to get them under control and right now they are barely under any semblance of control. Of course this impacts my exercise regime because there are some things that one really does not feel like doing when one has sinusitis

Here's my plan for the week - instead of challenges:

Log every day
No free day
Chart my weight daily to see what's going on!
As much exercise as I can manage

We'll see how that goes.

Lesson Learned & 5 Things

What did having a few days off from calorie counting and logging teach me?

It taught me that my one free day off a week is fine - it's too short to make me fall off the wagon and I slide back into calorie counting quite easily. However, a few days is way too long. I can break a habit (the calorie counting/logging) in a few days, whereas in one day, the habit is still there.

I try to view situations, events and occurences in life as happening for a reason; whether that be to enlighten you or help you move forward etc. In this case, while I struggled with the situation of going back to calorie counting and logging and feeling somewhat out of control, I do see that I have learned a lesson. I have learnt that at this point in time, I cannot take more than one, or at a push two, days off. So until I have reached my goal, I plan on not doing that again - it wasn't really my choice to do it in the first place, but if it happens again, I am going to have to figure out a better way to be accountable.

I have also learnt that I need to constantly think of ways to motivate myself...

So, I did 5 things I have learnt about myself since starting this 'diet and exercise change'. Now I must do the 5 things I have learned about myself and my relationship with food (much harder!!) -

1. TTOTM = crazy cravings for sugar. I give in to PMS cravings. I have mentioned this before, but I really need to figure out a way to address this.
2. I am starting to be really hungry for breakfast. I enjoy breakfast now.
3. I can eat less than I think I need and still feel satisfied. My stomach is shrinking. My eyes are bigger than my stomach!
4. I sometimes eat to make other people happy. E.g. eating a slice of cake or an extra 'thing' because someone else thinks I should, when actually I don't want it and/or am not hungry. Or even eating a course at a restaurant so the person does not feel left out!
5. I can still enjoy eating even when I have to stick to a certain amount of calories. This is something I struggle to realise... even now. I need to remind myself of this. Eating 1,200 or 1,400 calories doesn't mean you can't don't enjoy the food you eat. It just means that you have to make better choices about what you eat so that the food is really satisfying and nutritious.

This week I had the challenges as usual:


1. Only 1 weigh-in - CHECK
2. 90 minutes of cardio or walking - NOPE... managed to do 55 cardio, 40 Yoga
3. 2 sessions of weights or strength training exercises of your choice - NOPE... none!
4. 3 blog entries - CHECK
5. List 5 or 10 things you have learnt about yourself and your relationship with food since you started your recent weight loss journey (this can be 1 blog entry) - CHECK

I am getting tired of challenges. Though, to be honest, they do actually work to some extent. If I hadn't had the challenge at the back of my mind, I wouldn't have done the yoga!

5 Things I have Learnt About Myself Since Starting the Diet

1. I do like exercise, if it's the right exercise for me at the time
2. I can eat a reasonable amount of fat and still lose weight - I previously always thought I couldn't eat much fat and lose
3. I am definitely happier slimmer - a. because I am more comfortable and b. because I feel less 'obvious' amongst other people
4. I have to be in the correct mindset to lose weight
5. I currently (and perhaps always) can fall off the wagon quite easily...

Taken from: http://girlfromthehills.wordpress.com/2009/11/18/falling-off-the-wagon/

The Wagon

Due to family events, I find myself at the 'get back on the wagon' stage yet again. I am not feeling this at all. It's so hard! My mind has slipped a bit and I have lost the control feeling and replaced it with a laissez faire type emotional state, which is not helpful at all. Finding ways to self-motivate seems hard. Even knowing that I am now able to get into some clothes that are 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing at Christmas does not seem to be helping very much. It's frustrating. I am hoping that if I can get a clear run... 1 week... of CCing, I will be back in the habit. So I am starting that today.

The past week & challenges

I guess I had 2 days off this week. Thursday, I didn't really totally have it off as breakfast, lunch and dinner were all okay and my usual fare. It's just that I felt so exhausted, I didn't have the strength to come online and calorie count/log. I also ate 4 chocolates from a box of chocolates we had. This month has been terrible for PMS and PMS eating. I am learning... learning to be okay with a couple of days of eating impulsively. It's better than 30 or 31 days of eating impulsively, after all!

I have met the challenges this week and I pleased about that. The ones starting tomorrow are:

1. Only 1 weigh-in
2. 90 minutes of cardio or walking
3. 2 sessions of weights or strength training exercises of your choice
4. 3 blog entries
5. List 5 or 10 things you have learnt about yourself and your relationship with food since you started your recent weight loss journey (this can be 1 blog entry)


I am about to go for a walk with the dog and then finish cleaning the bathrooms and make my bed. I won't be online Sunday-Tuesday this week as I have a guest staying.

Be Kind to Yourself & See 'The Bigger Picture'

A big lesson I think a lot of people (including me) who have struggled with their weight need to learn is to be kind to themselves.

Why?

Firstly, because so much of society is against us. As in 'us' being the overweight, the fat, the obese, the large. There is so much discrimination against people of size and it is so widespread that is seems normal and thus has become ingrained into our brains.

Secondly, because no one else is going to!

Thirdly, because being kind to yourself means loving yourself and being positive about yourself - both of these are essential to success. Look around you... how many people do you see or know of who are extremely pessimistic and negative and who are extremely successful?

It's so easy when you are trying to make long-term changes to your life - whether they be dietary, exercise or something else - and to feel every little so-called failure. As in: I feel bad/guilty/a failure because I just ate a cake/a chocolate/some fries. In reality, it's not a failure. In other areas of life, we probably would not notice or feel these challenges or slip-ups so keenly. However because we are so used to feeling negative about ourselves on a weight-related level, eating something we feel we shouldn't or not doing enough exercise, manages to take hold of us in a big way. Being able to rationalise these moments, whether they be minutes, hours, days or a week of our long-term journey, is so important. If you are able to rationalise that in the general scheme of things it's not such a big deal, then you are being kind to yourself. You are seeing the bigger picture. 

The Bigger Picture =

Rationally I know that: one day or one week of slip-ups is not going to be detrimental to me losing 10, 20, 30, 40 pounds and keeping it off long-term.
Reality is... it may stall my weight loss for one week or two even, but it doesn't stop me from reaching my goal in the long-term. I might lose the sprint, but I can certainly win the marathon.

Pace yourself. Be kind to yourself. See The Bigger Picture.

Did you know...

... that mucho housework = mucho calories burned? I realised just now, after logging my calories and activity, that I have burned over 430 calories just doing housework. I also spent another 2 hours cooking today, which I haven't logged. I am hoping, hoping, hoping that I can get some of my own work done tomorrow afternoon... we'll see.

OMG

Okay so I thought I would be doing TurboSculpt tomorrow, but we'll see as I have spent literally like 6 hours on my feet without a break. I was cooking and doing chores to help my mum. I did manage to squeeze in a 30 minute dog walk (with 5 minutes of that standing talking to a group of 10 children while they stroked my dog haha... nice rest time).

I realised that I need to start spring cleaning, so the next few weeks will be full of that. If I am doing that and walking the dog, it may have to sub for my exercise. I also realised today that I have not made any progress with doing any art or researching making hats, so I need to get onto that as it's March's challenge!

Weigh-In & Working Out

A quick update... back to Sunday weigh-in:

Loss this week = 2.25 lbs

I am really happy with this as last week I only lost 0.5 and normally I am losing around 1.25 to 1.5. Sooo... in the past two weeks I lost 2.75, which seems right. Yay.. so far I lost 15 pounds in 10 weeks.  I am now 3/4 of a pound away from my first mini-goal!

From: http://www.theweightlosstips.co.uk/scales-whats-your-reasoning/

I was sitting downstairs last night contemplating the thought that I had fallen off the wagon and couldn't really be bothered with the whole 'diet' thing anymore. However, weighing myself today has reinvigorated me to keep going. It's been an extremely tough week due to eating out 4 times and then today eating rich food as it is Mother's Day here.

I have decided my workout schedule this week will look like this:

M: Walk dog
T: Turbosculpt
W: Walk dog
Th: Yoga
F:  Walk dog
S: Walk dog

Now even these dog walks are going to be anywhere from 20 minutes to like 50 minutes (if I feel inclined and it's not raining). Turbosculpt, I will see how long I manage. I have decided to continue with it because I know I need to do weights and strengthen myself. Yoga again is a good core and strengthening exercise. I shall come back to the TurboJam when I am feeling better.

Being Okay With Eating More

Both yesterday and today turned into social days for me. I went out for lunch yesterday and also today. It's been difficult. I have found that I could not stick to my calorie counting or my calorie limit for either day. I decided that I was going to eat what I wanted and enjoy it both days rather than fret about not being able to find something I could eat on the menu or the fact that I am not able to account for my calories 100% due to not knowing weights and nutritional content etc.

This has been rather challenging for me. I know that 2 days in my journey is not going to be the ruin of me. After all, 1 of those days would normally be my day off. However, it's hard to not feel paranoid about such matters when one has been raised in a society where eating very little is linked with being thin and losing weight and eating more and luxuriousr restaurant foods is seen as leading to being bigger/fat.

Yet again I feel as if I am going through a processing stage. I have changed my exercise this week, eaten somewhat differently and had to deal with eating with other people (as my eating out before this has been mainly with my family). I am definitely learning something from putting myself in these situations.

Settling Into A New Routine

Mid-week and I find myself settling into a new routine regarding exercise. I have managed 2 days now of longer dog walks. Tomorrow and Friday I will try and fit in shorter ones as I will be out of the house for a while and won't have so much spare time. I am enjoying the change from the workouts. I might alternate - 1 week workouts, 1 week walking. On the weeks I workout, I do try to squeeze in a couple of walks... for my dog's sanity!

Resting ~ Week 10 - Finding the Middle Path

I am just about to take my dog out for a walk instead of doing my usual high impact cardio workout. I really need to rest this week. I know that if I take some time out, I will feel up to do the higher impact exercise again. Maybe this is what happens when you enter week 10 - you feel a little jaded & need a little time out.

I am still calorie counting, but I am not sweating the small stuff. If I go slightly over, I won't be stressing out. Life is short and I think that when people calorie count/diet, exercise and invest themselves in a new way of life, it can become a bit of an obsession. My mum always says: everything in moderation and I think she is right. It's easy to become overly meticulous about food and exercise just like you might have previously been the complete opposite and not given a damn! Trying to find that balance or middle way or treading the middle path is very important. It's also very Buddhist.

From: http://yogilovesveggies.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/middle-path.jpg

So what do I think the 'middle way' or 'middle path' looks like:

• In tune with your body
• Intuitively eating (knowing what is right and wrong for you at any given moment - so listening to hunger, listening to cravings, listening to your body's needs for nutrition)
• Being okay with yourself at your current size
• Having the ability to 'let go' of things as they occur (not comfort eating in reaction to boredom, stress, upset)
• Not feeling guilt around food/eating
• Knowing that, no matter how long it takes, you will reach your destination
• Being okay with the fact that this process takes time
• Being peaceful around food, eating, weight, exercise and not feeling other people's pressure and stress about what you should or should not be eating/doing

I am very slowly getting there. I think it will take me a long time to reach the point where I am able to factor all of the above into my life and my mind. I am okay with that though. I know that right now I am doing my best and that's all that matters.

Day Late

I weighed myself this morning (instead of yesterday morning) as I didn't have time yesterday because I was going out. I lost 1/2 a pound. All that effort to lose half a pound!! I am a bit swollen, so I wonder if I may have lost more, but it's not showing up on the scale. Hmmmm...

Anyway, I realised that I am incredibly tired. I woke up, and because I went out yesterday to the 'big smoke', I am now physically paying for it in the form of increased exhaustion and muscle pain. Despite having lived with debilitating chronic illness for years, I am still amazed by my own body's reaction to something normal like going out for the day or even a couple of hours at the shops. The problem with this reaction is that it means I am only good at CCing and exercising when I pretty much don't go out of the house. I am going to do my uptmost to keep up with it this week, but I am going to lay off the intense exercise and focus on walking my dog and perhaps doing some light stretching or weight work.

In it for the long haul... & Yoga

Today I woke up and realised:

a. this is a long and slow process
b. I am in it for the long haul

As the weeks tick by, it's easy to forget where you started off when trying to make long-term changes to your diet and/or exercise regimen (or even instil an exercise regime in the first place!). On Monday it will have been 9 weeks since I started this journey and to be honest it's hard to gauge results. What I mean by this is that, yes I have lost X amount of quantifiable pounds, yet it's hard to remember how I looked and how things fitted me 9 weeks ago.  As a result, translating weight loss into changes in my body is hard. I have kept measurements and I hope these help me to see where I am losing. The good news is that yesterday I was able to wear a pair of pants that I had not been able to wear for a long time due to weight gain.

So today marked the last day for doing the challenges. I have managed to do all of them except the fruit one. I finished the last 2 by playing fetch with my dog and doing 50 minutes of the new yoga DVD. The yoga is a little mixed; some of it seems reasonably easy and other bits are super hard. The standing poses are quite challenging due to the mixture of balance, strength and flexibility. I am hoping to do this yoga practice weekly for a while before increasing to perhaps 2 times a week because I really want to keep up my cardio and strength training too. I am pretty tired from all this working out.

Working Out

I am feeling really tired and cold. Completed the 2nd workout of the week. I attempted Cardio Party from the TurboJam series. The DVD seems to have a glitch for this workout which is very annoying, as it keeps sticking and skipping. Anyway, I managed to do the workout, but I could feel there were a few bits where I was really flagging; then I got my second wind.

This leaves me with one more workout to do and a dog walk. I am aiming to do yoga on Saturday. I am going to try and get my mum to do some of it with me. It is a beginner level workout, so the poses are modified if needed and I think it should be doable. I have no idea when I will walk the dog - maybe tomorrow after I get back from town.

Tomorrow is my day off, so I will be relaxing and not counting. Yay!

Why I Got Overweight & My Weight Issues History

In order to examine and begin to answer this question, I need to go back to when I first started to put on weight...


Childhood (Pre-Teen)
I became very sick as a child and suddenly was unable to do the physical activities I had previously done. Before being unwell, I was extremely active; pretty much on the go all the time. Now I swelled up a lot and was in terrible pain. I had debilitating fatigue. I began puberty quite early and I found that incredibly difficult. It was hard being at home all the time and stuck in bed or on the sofa. I missed being active and I missed school and friends. Becoming sick was definitely a catalyst for me becoming unhappy and experiencing circumstantial depression.

Early Teens
When I began secondary/high school, I was separated from my friends. I had come from a small village school and was thrust into a school over 10 times the size in pupil numbers. I had been away from my previous school for a long time. I was behind on schoolwork. I found it difficult to physically negotiate the school because it was so large and had no lifts. I developed acne and greasy hair; this combined with being way from school a lot lead to bullying. Early factors behind why I developed a weight issue:

1. I was unable to physically exercise
2. I started to eat more calories than I was burning - due to hunger AND comfort eating *due to unhappiness and the bullying/feeling I didn't fit in*
3. Hormones were all over the place
4. I had no understanding or concept of calories and how much I should be eating
5. My parents no longer detailed how much I should eat
6. As I started to gain weight I began to get into the unhappiness/comfort eating cycle

Mid Teens
I reached a weight that seemed to stabilise and for a few years I stayed around that weight. I have no idea how much that was, but I know that I was wearing the same size clothes during that time (UK size 14/16). I met my first boyfriend when I was this size. The first time he saw me, I was in the swimming pool with my sister. Later he invited me (on another day) to go swimming again. I remember him saying to me that he: thought about whether he could be with/be attracted to someone my size. I now realise that he was checking out my body in my swimsuit! Funnily or sadly enough, at the time this did not ring the warning bells it should have.

Late Teens
I went to college and was still wearing the same size clothes. By the end of my first year of college, I had started to put on weight. The food at college was a lot of processed/fried food and I did not restrict my portions. I was walking quite a lot, but doing no other exercise. I found college quite stressful. I contracted Epstein Barr Virus for the second time and became quite unwell. My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me because he was no longer attracted to me at my increased size. That cut me to the core. I believe that this did not help me - I had a very low self esteem.

Early 20s
I dated quite a bit - around a UK size 18, I was okay (although not happy) with my size and some men seemed to be attracted to me, which made me feel that it wasn't so bad (haha!). Still at college, by age 20 I had ballooned to a UK size 20/22. I was EXTREMELY unhappy. I was very, very unwell and I went to the doctor to try and get help to no avail. I remember coming home one holiday and sitting on the sofa and bursting into tears in front of my sister and my mum because I felt so unhappy and uncomfortable. At this point, my mum decided to take me to a diet club. I went and started to calorie count and do short aerobic workouts. I lost about 21 pounds. I continued to do the diet after I left and got down to 175-ish. I went back to college a UK size 16, went out a lot, dated, and finished my degree.

Mid 20s
After graduating, and working in my first post-graduation job, I was housebound. I had a 'breakdown' in 2004. By 2005, I was wearing a UK size 16/18 and was asked to be a bridesmaid at a wedding. I decided I needed to lose weight. I started to calorie count and later to exercise (aerobics). I did some research and discovered Walk Away The Pounds and The Food Doctor (Ian Marber). I started to do WATP, exercise biking and changed my diet to Low-GI. I also did a couple of detox diets for a few days to conquer salt/sugar/caffeine issues. By the time the wedding came around, I was wearing a UK size 12 and weighed 144 pounds. A month later, I weighed 140 pounds (my lowest adult weight). Shortly after this, I started to develop a lot of problems in my life...


Late 20s
By my late 20s, I was working... 2 jobs (one night and one day). I was piling on weight and developed a number of severe health issues. I changed jobs to working full time in the day, the weight issues and health problems continued. My weight crept up to 175 again. On and off I tried a number of different things: Slim Fast, Low-GI, exercising (TurboJam, Salsacize, walking a lot/pedometer). Nothing worked. I was always hovering around the same weight plus or minus a few pounds. In 2008, I was becoming increasingly sick. I left work. In 2009, I did some temporary work and by the time I had finished, I had developed something wrong with my metabolism that caused me to gain 14 pounds in 4 weeks despite eating and exercising no differently to normal. In the autumn of 2010, I asked to be referred to a dietitian. I had developed hyperthyroidism as a result of autoimmune thyroid disease and resultingly lost some weight, but I wanted to lose more as I feared developing Insulin Resistance. I joined Calorie Count and lost weight. I got down to 168 pounds. 


Early 30s
I became hypothyroid. My weight was out of control again and leapt back to 175. I desperately tried to calorie count and did random things like a juice fast. None of it worked. By the beginning of 2012, I was at 180.75. No matter how hard I tried to lose weight, I couldn't lose any and just kept gaining. I went onto thyroid medication and decided to re-visit Calorie Count. I started this blog. 

From: http://gmathur.blogspot.com/2011/09/why.html

Summary


I do not think there is any one reason that I became overweight. I believe that my weight issues are due to a mixture of physical and psychological factors. In terms of the physical, my ill health has a direct impact because it has affected my metabolism, hormones and my ability to consistently exercise over a long time period. In terms of the emotional and psychological, I understand and am aware that I have issues with men/sexuality and issues with coping with stress, depression and unhappiness. All these have lead to me comfort eating.

I also think that a lack of consciousness about my eating has been a big factor - so many times I have eaten without consciously thinking about what and how much I was eating. I also did not plan maintenance at all. I just didn't understand or factor in that I needed to continue restricting portions and calorie counting. I hope that having an understanding and awareness of this will help now.


I think I also had a bit of an attitude of: oh well, I am putting on weight now, so I might as well just give up. This lead to me yo-yo-ing. That is not to say that I would not have put on weight, but if I had stayed eating correctly for my height and the right types of foods, when my body finally righted itself, I believe I would have lost weight or at least stabilised. Instead, because I was eating whatever I wanted, I continued to gain weight. Again, I am now more aware of this and will try to keep it in mind.

I am proud of myself for the amount of entries I have written in this blog. I feel that I have a lot of 'stuff' built up inside me, that is slowly coming out. It is also helpful to put things into perspective by writing them down and useful to be able to go back over them at a later date.

Update - Exercise

Last night I barely slept a wink because I was feeling anxous and my leg muscles were so painful that I could not get comfortable in any position. Normally I would not have exercised because of this, but today I thought I would push myself and I literally forced myself to do TurboSculpt.

It's a strength training workout - 39 minutes long - and you have the option of using whatever weights you want or none at all. I did a little bit of it last week without weights, and figured that this week I would try doing the whole workout. Oh my gosh... talk about challenging! I picked 1 kg (2.2 lbs) weights to do it with and managed to do about 1/2 the workout with them. Then I switched to 0.5kg (1.1 lbs) weights because I was nearly about to die and have a heart attack. By the end of it I had resorted to using no weights. The result: I had serious jelly legs and my right calf muscle was doing a twitchy dance of its own LOL.

The upshot of this is that I feel I am learning to listen to my body a little more and to recognise when I need to either put the weights down or switch to lighter ones. I realised while I was doing the workout that, if switching weights or not using any meant I could complete the workout, then it would be better to do that than to just completely give up.

I have a Yoga for Beginners DVD that I have not tried out. I am hoping to try that on Saturday if I can muster up the enthusiasm.

Weekly Challenges

My friend set this week's challenges:

1 - One weigh-in this week.
2 - Eat at least 1 serving of fruit per day with some fiber or protein to lower GI.
3 - Get 60 mins of exercise in the week, broken down however you prefer.
4- Take the dog for 2 walks, if the weather allows it. If not, play with her at home.
5 - Write a blog post on why you think you got overweight.

I am not feeling good. I did manage to do #2 today by eating 1 serving of fruit (banana) with multigrain bread (fibre) and peanut butter (protein). The weather is awful, so no walking for me. I am hoping to get in some exercise towards #3 tomorrow; we'll see. As for #5, that will take some thinking!!

Today, I did do one good thing.. I made the dough and sauce for wholewheat pizza. I have put 1 portion of dough and 1 portion of sauce to be frozen, so I can quickly make a pizza another time/day when I don't have time to do it all from scratch. The remaining dough and sauce will be used to make a pizza tomorrow for me and the family. It will be around 12 inches across, so I will have a third of it with some salad. Toppings will be mozzarella and vegetables (probably mushrooms, tomatoes and sweetcorn). Hopefully it will be nice and a little healthier than the usual store-bought pizza we have.

On Track...

I have been doing the calorie counting lark for 8 weeks now. I worked out that I have lost 12.25 pounds in this time period, making my loss an average of: 1.5 pounds a week. I am really happy with that; it's comfortable and sort of average. I reckon this will become 0.5 to 1 pound a week once I get nearer my ultimate goal area of 130-140. I realised that I currently have 3.5 more pounds to lose before I meet my first mini-goal of 165. I am hoping to meet this by the end of March (so in 3 to 4 weeks). This will be the lightest weight I have been since maybe 2006 or 2007. Exciting!

Image from: http://www.rightot.blogspot.com/

Anyway, this week, I honestly didn't think I had lost anything as I can't really 'see' where I have lost. On other weeks (aside from TTOTM) I have been able to clearly see where it's coming off and have a little confidence about stepping on the scale. So now I guess my body has decided to lose from less obvious areas. Like a lot of people, I have a specific pattern of loss that I always seem to follow no matter how big I am or what 'diet' I am following. I seem to lose somewhat like this: waist & knees, then jaw/face,  then bust/clavicles, then tummy/pelvis, then hips & thighs, then arms & calves... So at the moment, the waist has stopped losing. I am hoping that now my hips/thighs decide to catch up a bit!! It's kinda weird that I lose on my face before my hips! Most people say their face/jaw is the last thing to lose.


In other news, now we are in March I am turning my thoughts to my goal...

Artwork - My plan is that I will start sketching out a painting this week. Will update on that as and when.

Researching hat making - I am going to look for patterns.

Meditating, Challenges & Taking a break...

My last post kinda blew up in my face, so I have edited it to remove the difficult part. I do not want any drama right now because I am trying so hard to focus on getting healthy and strong (and that's taking all my energy). And I have to be honest, I was not totally comfortable with what I posted anyway... I generally am a really private person and airing my innermost thoughts in public always seems to come back to bite me on the rear. As one person who met me IRL who knew me through the Internet said: You have a public face and a private face. You are a totally different person in private. I guess it's true. I can organise events for strangers and make YouTube videos. I can speak in public in front of masses of people and it doesn't phase me, but being judged does and I find that being completely open in front of people tends to elicit comments/judgement/opinion over my life choices that I am not comfortable with. Okay I tend to be quite an open book, but am I really being totally me... of course not! It's a bit like being at work and being professional; you probably don't take your work face and 'tude home with ya. Correspondingly, I may appear extremely open online, but I have my boundaries and there is an element of me that is not shown through my 'public face' that very few people get to see... as I allow few people truly into my private domain.

Anyway, moving on to something more interesting...

I took yesterday as my day off and I can say it was a relief to not have to calorie count or to log. Not logging means I can take a day off from the computer also and that is always a welcome break. I made some brownies for a friend coming over and they were really nice. I totally enjoyed eating the brownie; pure enjoyment and I didn't want more than my portion - no desire for seconds, which was good as normally I would want to eat another if I have made something like that.

Today I was alone for most of the day so I took some time to get on with chores and some activities I wanted to do. It was good to do that and have the place to myself. I took my dog for a walk this afternoon and we both really enjoyed that. It was nice to get out and get some fresh air.

I am incredibly tired at the moment. I feel emotionally and mentally tired, not just physically. I have some challenging times coming up; the next two weeks are very busy. In fact, the week beginning the 12th looks to be pretty jam packed and I have at least two lunches out (one after the other!). It will be interesting to see how my calorie counting fits in with this!

I managed two TJ workouts this week - probably partly why I feel so yuck. I actually did some of TurboSculpt, and boy is that workout amazing. I am looking forward to being able to do more of that, as it's a fun way of sculpting and strengthening with weights (although this time around I didn't use weights). Here's my update on the week's challenges:

1. Weigh-in no more than twice this week (to check fluid issues due to TTOTM) - I haven't weighed, so will be weighing tomorrow as usual. Completed this goal. 
2. Exercise at least 3 x 20 minutes - I did 2 TJ workouts and walked Millie (all 20 mins or longer). Completed this goal.
3. Blog at least 4 entries - Completed this goal.
4. Write 5 goals for the next 5 months (should write 1 goal for each month - things you want to change, or to do etc) - Completed this goal.
5. Eat a portion of fruit or veg at EVERY meal on 5 out of 7 days - Okay, so here's my downfall.. I have managed 4 days out of 7. Not bad... but still... must do better! I am not sure I have felt any benefit. I did juice once and I totally felt a difference from that, so I am thinking to aim for 2 meals with fruit/veg and 1 dose (ha! it is a bit like medicine) of juice a day.

So when I was writing my 5 months of goals, I was going to write meditation as one of them... but I decided not to. Anyway, I feel as if I need to get back into meditating; I took a break for a while. I just need to take time out for myself. I do a lot of stuff for other people and there are times when I need to recognise that I don't need to be permanently hooked up to the Internet like some kind of drip feed... Taking a time out, relaxing, meditating, reading, walking the dog... they are probably more beneficial pursuits for me at this point.

Understanding Appetite

My appetite confuses me. Yesterday I was hungry and wanting to eat things; I had the munchies. I indulged and went over my calorie allowance by about 100 calories. Today, I do a load of exercise (30 minutes of pure sweating) and I am not very hungry at all in comparison to yesterday, but I actually burnt more calories today so would expect to feel more hungry! Anyway, I just logged my calories after eating my food for the day and I only ate 1,045, yet I feel super full. It's really bizarre!! I am going to make it to 1,200... will eat something more in a bit (and yes, I am forcing it down my throat...). I might have an apple... hmmm. [Edited to add: the apple turned into half a Snickers bar].

Weight Goals & Rewards

I didn't really start this process with any weight goals per se, more like a random idea of where I eventually wanted to be. However, my running partner (not actual running... I don't do running, but my weight loss bud) has some weight goals and non-food based rewards planned, so I thought perhaps I had better get with the program and develop some of my own!

Lbs

165 - Some kind of beauty treatment I don't already have - maincure or pedicure or something
155 - A few new spring/summer clothes
145 - Henna on my hand/s
135 - New clothes, new clothes...

I am aiming for between 130-140... so we'll see where I end up.

My ultimate goal = to be light enough and fit enough to go back to horse riding... there I said it... maybe now I can make it real?!

5 Months -> 5 Goals

Taken from: http://www.personal-goal-setting.com/

1. March - Start doing some artwork and research hat making

2. April - Progress to longer TJ workouts

3. May - Incorporate walking my dog, at least 3 times a week, into my exercise regime

4. June - Create a timetable for life (LOL!); including: work (keeping my work a secret) 5 days out of 7, artwork/jewellery making, walking dog, exercising cardio&weights, writing. *all things I should be doing but am very random about actually knuckling down to*

5. July - Buy a hula hoop and get hooping

The above are my goals for the next five months. The month = the time I need to actually get the thing done by the end of and if I get it done/started earlier, then great... but at least now I have some concrete things to aim for. This takes me through till July 31st. Hopefully by that time, not only will I have implemented the above things into my life, but I will also have made great strides in reaching my body goals. 



Here's my reasons for choosing these goals:


1. Artwork & Hat Making - this is something I really need to get back into; it's very therapeutic. I have A LOT of art materials that are just sitting and wasting away... I should use them. I also want to research hat making as I have a lot of materials/fabrics and could probably make some hats for myself. 


2. TurboJam Workouts - I have been taking it slow, which is a big achievement for me (as normally I like to rush full pelt into everything with disasterous results). I feel that April would be a good time for me to move onto more challenging TJ workouts that are both more difficult and longer. Again I am going to aim for slowly, slowly, so I shall start with adding 1 longer workout into my weekly routine and build up from there.


3. Dog Walking - in my more active periods, I have been able to walk my dog pretty much 4-6 days out of 7. I want to work up to giving her more exercise and by this time of the year, it should be do-able. She's getting older, so she is not so bothered to walk necessarily every day, but 3 or 4 times a week for 20-40 minutes would be good. I will aim to do the dog walking on days I don't do cardio, as I probably wouldn't manage it otherwise.


4. Life Timetable - I really, really think I need to create some kind of schedule or timetable for my weeks. I am thinking that each week I will try and do this (building it around other engagements I have), as I just don't get the things done each week that I need to do. Partly this boils down to a lack of energy, but I also feel unstructured and this doesn't help me to be motivated. If I had some kind of structure to adhere to, I think I would be a lot more productive.


5. Hoop & Hooping - So I love, love, love bellydancing and I used to love hula hooping as a child. I figure that bellydancing and hooping have quite a bit in common. After watching some videos on YouTube, I can see that hooping is something I want to try. 

From: http://circushoops.sectorlink.org/eshop/10Browse.asp

The Shocking Statistic

As an avid reader of Dances With Fat (http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/), I became aware of the statistic:

95% of overweight or obese people who successfully lose weight will have gained it back within 5 years. This means that only 5% of people who lose weight actually maintain that weight loss in the long-term.

I think this is pretty SHOCKING. Not only do people gain it back, but they frequently gain more weight than they lost.

For me, it rings true - I have lost and gained significant amounts of weight in the last 11 years, although I am pleased to say I have never gained back more than my highest weight - in fact I haven't even gotten back to my highest weight in those 11 years. Of course I don't know what the reality would be for me had I never gotten sick (as my weight issues started after I got sick) or if I had never had metabolic issues. Maybe I would never have had a weight problem? Who knows? Anyway, the reality is, I have yo-yo-ed.

So, I came across the the Dances with Fat blog and started looking into the whole HAEs  (Health at Every Size) movement about 3 or 4 months before I decided to go back to calorie counting and logging. Some might think it a strange decision - it probably is! - based upon the fact I knew about this statistic and possibly might have viewed my current efforts as pretty futile in the fight against my flab.

However, I do feel I am going into this process with my eyes wide open. Now I know the statistic, I am aware that I probably will have to consciously note my food intake in the long-term in order to maintain any loss. For a while this depressed me as I felt that it was a pretty sh!t state of affairs (let's be frank here) and acutally unfair (I suppose I felt resentful against all those people who don't have to do this). No matter what anyone else thinks, I am not physically comfortable at a bigger weight - not so much because of what other people might think, but because I find it uncomfortable in terms of actually moving around due to where the majority of my fat settles. It's a hinderance!

So although I blabber on about calories and logging and all that jazz, I am trying to focus on eating healthy, wholesome foods (which has always been my goal) and on getting fitter and stronger through targetted exercise and dog walking. In doing so, I am giving my body the best and most needed nutrients I can, and helping it to work optimally for me.

To a reasonable extent I understand the theory behind the HAEs message. I am walking proof that while I might not be well, even at my biggest I didn't have type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure or insulin resistance/syndrome X or high cholesterol. So I was obese, but did not have any of the things we (as a society) are told an obese person will have. I do think that there is a massive amount of scare mongering out there. The ridiculous thing is, I know at least 2 people who have issues with high blood pressure or high cholesterol who are what the medical profession would consider a 'healthy' weight!


During the time period where I have been obese and heavily overweight, I have had the scare mongering tactics thrown at me - these doctors were convinced I would have insulin resistance, high cholesterol, high blood pressure... the works! Why? Because I was bigger! Yet, there could be (and clearly are) people of normal weight who have those issues, but they are potentially not flagged up because they don't look like they might have them. So it's bad for both parties - the so-called healthy weight individuals and the overweight/obese individuals; if you are big, you are assumed to be some kind of ticking timebomb and if you are not big, you are assumed to be fine, even if you are not!


The Dances with Fat blog and the HAEs message have definitely helped me to have a different perspective on my weight, my approach to it and my eating. However, most importantly, they have helped me to cut through the cr*p that we are fed by the drug companies, the medical profession, the diet industry and thin-nist people. So many of my own beliefs around eating, health, diet, size, fatness, self-worth and obesity stemmed from these channels and were completely unfounded (not grounded in any science or logic). 


P.S. If you read the Dances with Fat blog, check out the comments to each post  - they are enlightening!

Blurgh...

Today I am not feeling good... not feeling good at all. *sigh* I think I have some form of stomach bug or virus or something. Yesterday I kept getting a headache that would come and go above my eyes and it's back today - accompanied by feeling sick/nauseous and a dodgy tummy.

Anyway, before this sickness realisation dawned on me, I did actually manage to get in a TurboJam workout. I did the 20 minute one. It seems to go quite quickly (bizarrely). At the moment I am only doing 'Burn' (which is the first workout and 15 minutes long) or the 20 minute workout (which is the second one). There are another 3 (I think) workouts on the DVD and they are longer and harder. I am trying to build up my stamina and strength by going slowly, as I once had a really bad reaction to this type of aerobic workout and I don't intend revisiting that moment! So this week I am aiming to do TJ twice and then supplement it with weights and either ballet workout or yoga workout. We'll see how I go.

Weight Loss Update & Weekly Challenges

Weight loss update - so I weigh now each week on a Sunday and I aim to weigh no more than once a week. My weight loss continues to be slow and steady. I am on target to meet my first major goal, which is to reach 130, sometime around October. Whether I do or not depends on whether I can keep my body in this current state of loss. I am calorie cycling (naturally I guess) between 1,200 to 1,400 on counting days and on my day off, I am probably reaching anywhere from 1,700 to 2,000 (in the maintenance range).

Thoughts -

• I am pleased that I am losing and that I am able to have a 6 day counting/1 day off schedule. This works well for me. I have managed before to not do a 'day off', but I think this time around I would struggle with that, as I do tend to go out with family or friends once a week, and it is so much more difficult and complicated to eat at those times and stay in count. It actually takes away the enjoyment for me, so I would rather have the day off and a rest from counting.
• I am conscious that this week just gone has been a poor week in terms of exercise for me. I did exercise and I met my challenge goal of 3 sessions of at least 15 minutes or more, but looking at my log I can see that if I do more intense exercise, the net calories would be greater or else to achieve the same type of net calories, I need to eat less, which I don't really want to do. This week just gone was TTOTM, so I think I am just going to have to accept that one week every so often will be a less intense exercise week (which is not a bad thing!), as I really can't be doing crazy exercise like TurboJam when I am having my lady issues.

Weekly Challenges

This week are as follows:

1. Weigh-in no more than twice this week (to check fluid issues due to TTOTM)
2. Exercise at least 3 x 20 minutes
3. Blog at least 4 entries
4. Write 5 goals for the next 5 months (should write 1 goal for each month - things you want to change, or to do etc)
5. Eat a portion of fruit or veg at EVERY meal on 5 out of 7 days 

Re: #5 - I am going to try increasing veg and fruits but without messing around calories... so veggie sticks will be my friend and swapping some snacks back to fruit

Weekly Challenges & 10 Good Things!

Each week I challenge myself...

Yes, that's how I roll... I work well when I set myself goals and challenges. I usually try to either pick things that I find difficult and will help me to move forward in my life and weight loss journey or else things that I know should be part of my plan for health.

This week the challenges have been as follows...

Challenges:
1. Only weigh-in once per week (difficult for me - getting better at this)
2. 3 x 15 mins exercise per week (should be part of my plan for health)
3. 3 journal entries per week (Motivating and helps me to work through issues I have)
4. List 10 good things about yourself (difficult for me)

So far I have stuck to # 1 and, as of last night, I have completed #2. I have obviously completed #3 already! (Yes I like to talk!) So that leaves me with #4 to do...


10 Good Things About Myself 

1. Extremely loyal
2. Caring
3. Creative
4. Enjoy helping other people and do try to help other people a lot
5. Sense of humour
6. Good at cooking (ha!)
7. I have gratitude (most days I try to make time to think of things I am thankful for and to remember how lucky I am to have a family, a warm & cosy home, to never be hungry or worry where my next meal is coming from etc)
8. Friendly
9. Animal lover (I think this is a good thing!)
10. Conscientious

To be honest, this list has taken me ages (several days) to compile. I would add one and then leave the list  for ages while I tried to think of something else. I find this type of activity really hard and I think that has a lot to do with not feeling good about myself and worrying what other people will think; both of which I have been working on for a few years. It's good to challenge yourself sometimes and I am finding making myself do these type of activities to be really helpful.